It all comes down to what you're prepared to live with.

That's what my counsellor said to me today. God, it was a hard session. Although I started attending counselling for a completely different issue, the last few sessions have been almost wholly about my relationship with V. The situation between us is deteriorating rapidly. I feel like he ignores me much of the time, staring at his computer screen from home time till bed time, then at his book till it's time to go to sleep. When you love someone, surely enjoying spending time with them should be your default setting, but I am last on his list of things to do, wedged in after reading 1001 blogs and a 200-sub Twitter feed, plus Favotter, or whatever the hell it is. The resentment I feel towards him generates in me a constant inner dialogue which makes it hard to enjoy any time we do get to spend together. He avoids me for whatever reason, I avoid him because I'm petrified I'll blow up and scream and scream and scream at him like I did last weekend.

When I cry, he sits passively, then promises to change, promises action. It's all lip service. He never actually follows through with the plans. There's always some excuse.

My counsellor and I have gone around and around trying to work out what could be wrong, why he could be withholding from me like this. In the end we realised that unless he is willing to talk about it himself, there's no way of knowing and, without knowing, no way of fixing it. And as she says, "It all comes down to what you're prepared to live with." Am I prepared to live with such infrequent sex and such poor communication for as long as it takes for him to be ready to explore whatever it is that's holding him back and make the changes necessary to save our relationship?

I don't know.

Probably not.

I am on the very verge of asking him to leave. He knows it, and still he does nothing. I'm running out of options, and I can't control what he does.

I'm going to ask him tonight about attending couples' counselling, and sooner rather than later. It's becoming increasingly clear that we can't - or won't - work this out alone. He agreed to this course of action a while ago. But he's not keen on "airing our dirty linen in public" (ie actually talking about it), so he wanted to try a couple of other things first... then totally failed to do them. Perhaps, as much as he says he loves me and wants to fix this, he's not interested in saving this relationship. Some days from where I'm standing, it looks as though he's doing all he can to wreck it, and to take me down in the process.

If he won't come to relationship counselling, with me or alone, I am going to have to reconsider the whole situation. I can't take much more of this. It is poisoning my love for him.